E24. Lou Reed’s Nephew on Dreams

"My parents became concerned about me, which was a pleasant surprise.”

“What did you want to be when you grew up?” I asked Lou Reed’s Nephew.

“Isn’t it obvious?” he said. “I wanted to be a scrimshander.”

“I did not see that coming.”

“No?”

“I should have,” I admitted.

“I was obsessed. I hung out in scrimshaw chat rooms and compiled ranked lists of my favorite scrimshanders. I scrimped and saved to start what I thought would be the ultimate collection of scrimshaw objects, which is tough because almost all the scrimshaw in existence is held in museums.”

“I can imagine.”

“And then there were late nights spent hunched over tiny slabs of polymer clay, perfecting my technique. I baked so much scrimshaw we could barely use the oven. We nearly starved. My parents became concerned about me, which was a pleasant surprise.”

“Because scrimshaw is illegal?”

“No. They oppose all state intervention. They were worried how I would take it when I realized that my dream of becoming the world’s greatest scrimshander was beyond my grasp.”

“Because scrimshaw is illegal?”

“No, because it’s so competitive! Every red-blooded American grows up idolizing their favorite scrimshanders, imagining what it would be like to be them. Our culture totally encourages this, to dream big, to shoot for the stars. But the fact is, we can’t all become professional scrimshanders. Natural talent plays a huge role. The odds of making it into the rank of elite scrimshandy are infinitesimal. You really do need a fallback plan. My parents were concerned what would happen when reality set in and I realized that I could never attain my dream.”

“What did happen?”

“I sort of forgot about it. I moved onto something else. I don’t even remember what it was. The mind is merciful, always finding ways to discard our deepest convictions with dignity.”